THE LEG OF HAM

OUR FAMILY’S HAD ITS PROBLEMS, ON WHAT TO BUY AND EAT

CATERING FOR OUR CREW, IS REALLY QUITE A FEAT

THE PROBLEM COMES UP EVERY YEAR, AND CAN GET YOU IN A JAM

NO MATTER WHAT ELSE WE BUY, THERE’S ALWAYS THE CHRISTMAS HAM

 

WHEN THE SEASON’S OVER AND THE DECORATIONS TAKEN DOWN

THIS SOURCE OF FOOD SEEMS ENDLESS AND BOUND TO CAUSE A FROWN

FOR THERE IS ONE FACT I CAN STATE, WITHOUT A SINGLE FEAR

ONCE YOU START AND SERVE THE STUFF, YOU’LL BE EATING IT ALL YEAR

 

NO MATTER HOW YOU PRESENT IT, YOU CAN ONLY DO SO MUCH

SCANNING ALL THE RECIPES LIKE, POTATO SALAD AND SUCH

YOU CAN SLICE IT, YOU CAN DICE IT, DISH IT UP WITH RICE

SOMETIMES IF YOU’RE BUSY, A CHINESE MEAL IS NICE

 

YOU CAN FRY IT, YOU CAN CRUMB IT, BOIL IT TILL IT’S LIMP

THERE’S A MILLION WAYS TO PREPARE IT, JUST LIKE BUBBA GUMP SHRIMP

YOU MAY SERVE IT UP WITH ICE CREAM, BUT ONLY IF YOU’RE GAME

NO MATTER HOW YOU DISGUISE IT, IT ALWAYS TASTES THE SAME

 

ALI’S CLAN WON’T TOUCH THE STUFF, NOR BENNY’S CREW NEXT DOOR

WHEN THE INDIAN ARMY USED ITS GREASE, IT STARTED A BLOODY WAR

AND IF YOU REALLY LOVE YOUR CHILD, NO MATTER HOW HARD IT BEGS

WHATEVER ELSE YOU DO, DON’T MIX IT WITH GREEN EGGS

 

SOME LIKE THEIR CHRISTMAS DINNER COLD, SOME JUST LIKE IT HOT

EVERY ONE IS DIFFERENT AND YOU CANNOT PLEASE THE LOT

SO NEXT TIME DURING YULE TIDE, WHEN WE GREET OUR FRIENDS SO DEAR

AS WE SIT DOWN TO CELEBRATE, IT WILL ALL BE PRAWNS AND BEER

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By Tomas ‘Paddy’ Hamilton
3 February 2020

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Original photo by Sergeant Murray Staff – digitally altered by CONTACT

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