The Sergeant Major

His whole life lay before him, with family and army mates

But sadly, long before his time, he arrived at the pearly gates

So, he asked St Peter, “I only have one fear

Before I take one step inside, do they have Sergeant Majors here?”

 

St Peter replied “Well yes we do, but we make them toe the line

You have no cause for worry, everything will work out fine

They can be a nuisance, the way they rant and rage

That’s why in this place, they have their own cage”.

 

“You’ll find no barber shops up here, no short back and sides

We don’t have rules or orders, just a few rough guides

No one here will yell at you, or stand you to attention

And there is no such thing, as CB or detention,”

 

“All your meals are served on time, no needle parades at all

They call this place paradise, so you just have a ball

You are always free, to do what you want to do

And one point to remember, you’ll never have to queue”.

 

The young lad seemed a bit confused, it was too good to be true

“Are you sure Sergeant Majors are locked away, just like some army zoo?”

They made my short life hell on earth and I have little doubt

They’ll be seeking vengeance, if someone lets them out”.

 

Then he heard a distant thunder, booming without affection

There were poor souls fleeing, in each and every direction

He spied a far off figure and it caused him great alarm

Spitting fire and fury, with a pace stick, under his arm

 

The youngster cried, “I’m outta here, there is one thing you can’t hide

I know that rank anywhere, “ I thought you were on my side”.

St Peter said.” My child you’re wrong and I will make a wager

That imposter is God himself, He just thinks he’s a Sergeant Major”.

 

By Tomas ‘Paddy’ Hamilton 
20 February 2019

R.I.P. Windsor Davies, Battery Sergeant Major Williams (It Ain’t Half Hot Mum)

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