THE LEG OF HAM
OUR FAMILY’S HAD ITS PROBLEMS, ON WHAT TO BUY AND EAT
CATERING FOR OUR CREW, IS REALLY QUITE A FEAT
THE PROBLEM COMES UP EVERY YEAR, AND CAN GET YOU IN A JAM
NO MATTER WHAT ELSE WE BUY, THERE’S ALWAYS THE CHRISTMAS HAM
WHEN THE SEASON’S OVER AND THE DECORATIONS TAKEN DOWN
THIS SOURCE OF FOOD SEEMS ENDLESS AND BOUND TO CAUSE A FROWN
FOR THERE IS ONE FACT I CAN STATE, WITHOUT A SINGLE FEAR
ONCE YOU START AND SERVE THE STUFF, YOU’LL BE EATING IT ALL YEAR
NO MATTER HOW YOU PRESENT IT, YOU CAN ONLY DO SO MUCH
SCANNING ALL THE RECIPES LIKE, POTATO SALAD AND SUCH
YOU CAN SLICE IT, YOU CAN DICE IT, DISH IT UP WITH RICE
SOMETIMES IF YOU’RE BUSY, A CHINESE MEAL IS NICE
YOU CAN FRY IT, YOU CAN CRUMB IT, BOIL IT TILL IT’S LIMP
THERE’S A MILLION WAYS TO PREPARE IT, JUST LIKE BUBBA GUMP SHRIMP
YOU MAY SERVE IT UP WITH ICE CREAM, BUT ONLY IF YOU’RE GAME
NO MATTER HOW YOU DISGUISE IT, IT ALWAYS TASTES THE SAME
ALI’S CLAN WON’T TOUCH THE STUFF, NOR BENNY’S CREW NEXT DOOR
WHEN THE INDIAN ARMY USED ITS GREASE, IT STARTED A BLOODY WAR
AND IF YOU REALLY LOVE YOUR CHILD, NO MATTER HOW HARD IT BEGS
WHATEVER ELSE YOU DO, DON’T MIX IT WITH GREEN EGGS
SOME LIKE THEIR CHRISTMAS DINNER COLD, SOME JUST LIKE IT HOT
EVERY ONE IS DIFFERENT AND YOU CANNOT PLEASE THE LOT
SO NEXT TIME DURING YULE TIDE, WHEN WE GREET OUR FRIENDS SO DEAR
AS WE SIT DOWN TO CELEBRATE, IT WILL ALL BE PRAWNS AND BEER
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By Tomas ‘Paddy’ Hamilton
3 February 2020
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Original photo by Sergeant Murray Staff – digitally altered by CONTACT
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